Lord… What are you doing?!

I ask this question about 20 times a day. Before leaving for the Race I decided that this was going to be my last mission trip. That once I came home I would go back to school and get my degree and begin my life.

As I continued my race the desire for school didn’t increase but it seemed like it was the right thing to do. Then the Lord really started to talk to me about CGA and squad leading but I tried to fight it for a while.

After I said yes to what the Lord put on my heart. A peace came over me and I knew that I was on the right track. I would like to say that this has been an easy yes but it hasn’t been.

There are times where I feel on top of the world and that I have my life together. Then there are times where I am hanging by a thread and questioning if the Lord really wants me to do this. The past two weeks have been a struggle.

I’ve been stressed with everything. Getting information, sending support letters, trying to make meetings, and work. I was reading in my Jesus Calling and it said about how we as humans can make things that the Lord has given us idols in our lives.

I realized that I had made my CGA stuff an idol and have been putting it in front of the Lord. It makes sense why I have been struggling. He doesn’t want to be our second choice He wants to be our first.

I only have so much time in my day before I have go into work so I automatically want to be productive and knock out my CGA stuff. In the amount of time that I spend with the Lord I could get A,B,and C done for CGA. It makes so much sense to me.

That’s not how the Lord works though. A lot of the things He asks us to do goes against our nature which is why it can be so hard at times.

The silly thing is that I forget so easily that when I put Him first in my everyday life my days are better. I am more patient and pleasant. I (and I’m sure others) can tell when I haven’t been spending time with the Lord because I am crazy!

Today was a good reminder that doing things with Him is so much better than doing them alone. He wants to be a part of this process; He doesn’t want it to replace Him.

So what is He doing I ask. He is teaching me over and over again that He needs to be first. He will provide the peace that I cannot provide for myself. He will provide the people I need. That HE WILL PROVIDE.

 

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