My thoughts, trust, and what’s been going on.

Before moving to Georgia for CGA my intentions were to squad lead a World Race squad. As I got closer and closer to moving I felt like the Lord was telling me that He was going to change things, that my time in CGA would be a time of healing. Isn’t funny how the Lord works. His plan tends to look different than we think it will be.

I thought once CGA was over I would be all healed up and applying to squad lead but once again His plans were different than mine. Thinking that I would be “all healed up” is interesting because we as humans are broken beings. The Lord is what makes us whole. My thought has been skewed. Somewhere I grasped onto the idea that I would reach a time in my life where I was fixed and that I wouldn’t have to work on myself or feel the pain anymore. I hated the feeling of being broken. It was too painful…

Towards the end of CGA the Lord told me that CGA was just the stepping stone into the healing that He had for me. I had conflicting feelings about what the Lord was doing. There was this yearning for the Lord to come grab my hand and walk me through the darkness but once He started to lead the way I began to dig my heals into the dirt and pull away. I told Him that I was terrified. The dark was too scary but He grabbed my hand and whispered trust Me.

That is where I am currently. I’m learning to trust what the Lord has planned for me. Right now it all doesn’t make any sense. I don’t know exactly where I am going to live or what my job will be but I am trusting that He wants me here.

I started writing this blog about two weeks or so ago and I had so many emotions when typing it up. I didn’t know where I was going to live and I had to move out of the place I was staying pretty soon. Things were looking like I was going to have to head home and I was confused because I felt like I was supposed to stay.

It made me question the Lord. I didn’t understand why things weren’t going the way I thought they were. My anxiety was through the roof. I couldn’t sleep, some days I couldn’t get out of bed. I applied for a job that I wanted and felt like the Lord wanted me to have but I didn’t get it. I was angry and hurt. I was feeling defeated and scared.

I had no other option but to kneel in front of my Father and pour out my heart, my emotions, my anger, everything and give it all to Him. I had to remind myself of His truths, His promises, and my worth countless times a day. I had to choose to trust in Him. It’s a battle that I am learning to fight but I’m not alone. I have my faithful Father, supporters, friends, and family fighting for me.

Y’all the Lord has really moved this past week! Last Monday I still didn’t know where I was going to live and I didn’t know how I was going to afford it with having a part time job. He showed up! I received a message last Wednesday about a place and moved in today and literally as I was typing this up I got a phone call. I just got a full time job. Papa is so good! I am overwhelmed by His faithfulness!